SIS#24 - How to Advise a Friend

Self-Improvement Sundays

***23 weeks complete, On pace, 65 lbs - Goal 101 lbs in 1 year***

Much effort and 1 more pound this week. Hey, I'll take it. Some of you may have noticed my midweek tweet. "1st 3 mile run in a few years. 32:48...not exactly Olympic, but feels like gold. I'd like to do a 5k this fall for fun. 5m 6d since 300lbs." So the cardio is slowly strengthening and the body is getting that "Hey, let's go!" feeling.

It's interesting to me that no one commented on my post two weeks ago when I gained a pound. But then, what would one say? When you watch a friend stumble while trying, what do you say? Let me give a few ideas from my point of view post-stumble.

1. Sometimes stuff just happens. I didn't blow it that week, but what if I did? On the path to good things, sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back.

2. Keep the big picture in mind. At that point I was 21 weeks in and 61 pounds down. That's still astounding success in spite of a bump in the road. In other words, changing plans drastically is probably a bad idea.

3. Honor individual dignity and purpose. I think the words that might have meant the most to me would have gone something like this: "Look what you've been able to accomplish so far! The same resolve and creativity that's gotten you this far can take you even farther." The worst advice would be: "I knew that Weight Watchers program was a bad program all along. Here's what you need to do to succeed..." The sad thing is that many people don't even realize the controlling, dehumanizing nature of that comment.

4. What do you want and why do you want it? No matter what's happening at this very moment, helping a friend to stay focused on mid- to long-term goals is always great.

5. Don't coddle me. One of my favorite scenes from the movie Iron Will is where Will is about dead on his feet several days into the sled race. He wakes up early again, after just 2 or 3 hours sleep, and can't feel his legs. The newspaper reporter who's waiting with him tells him there's no way he can go on. Will responds with something like "help me stand up or get out of my way!" I want the dignity of pushing myself beyond my normal limits to accomplish something great. Help me if you like, but don't coddle me!

So that's what I've been thinking about. Helpful?