What Are We Holding Onto Sam?

Do you remember Frodo's words at the end of this part of the story?

I spent a little time with The Two Towers--middle film of the Lord of the Rings trilogy--last weekend. I watched some of the background features while I was doing laundry and bills and such.

The timing was providential. I was very weary of my 6-month commute amid the challenges of life and family, and I was feeling a tad overwhelmed. Hearing the screenplay writers talk about the choices and edits they had to make brought out more clearly the overriding theme of this middle episode: the journey is long and dangerous and difficult, but if we keep going when there is no hope left something unexpectedly good might come along and change everything. Hmmm...

Friends

Packing up the dreams God planted

In the fertile soil of you

 In the summers of 1988 and 1989, I had the honor of traveling with two different groups of folks from my first college, North Central Bible College, now North Central University. They called us One Accord and we represented the college for 8 or 9 months on the road throughout the Midwest. Two summers of doing music at youth camps…I attended 17 one-week-long youth camps over that span. Still trying to catch up on sleep! Almost every camp ended with the Michael W Smith classic: Friends.

Cant believe the hopes he’s granted
Means a chapter in your life is through

They were the best of times, they were the worst of times. Mostly the best. But I’m not just thinking about the old OA friends tonight. I’m thinking about the whole enterprise of friendship with all of it’s color and life. It hit me a couple of years ago that I’ve had so many great friends and I had this sort of desperate feeling of disconnection from most of them. It was triggered by some sappy movie where a bunch of friends lived in a big house, but then they kinda moved away at the end, and one of them goes to visit another one at his beach house and finds pictures of the old gang plastered all over…unforgotten.

But we’ll keep you close as always
It wont even seem you’ve gone

By the way, if anyone thinks they know what movie that is, please let me know. I have no idea what it’s called. So a friend, over an Applebee’s lunch, suggested Google groups as a way of reconnecting. I started there with a degree of success. Facebook is easier to maintain and find old friends with.

I hear people say all the time, “I don’t have time to waste messing around with Facebook!” Point taken. But I’m actually find this an extremely efficient way of connecting with folks. Brandon, Virden, Winnipeg, Kenora, Manhatten Beach, Minneapolis, Stevens Point, Spencer Lake, Racine, Wausau, the Midwest, all over Canada, all over the US, all over the world…my old friends are scattered to the four winds…

‘Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Some say that electronic friendship is not meaningful. Again, point taken. But to push back a little, there’s also a depth and richness in surveying profiles and notes and connections that goes a whole lot deeper than shooting the breeze at the water cooler. And if we got a hand written letter, we’d think the world of that friend and their deep thoughtfulness. Hello?! I feel so much more informed and connected now when I’m fortunate enough to run into the old friends, or the new ones, or the ones I live with…

[photo: Evan, Sheri and Heather, 1972]

To the Center

OK, this is my 10th blog entry and I’m taking a moment to consider the path so far. The idea is basically, Hey, I’m a guy who’s trying to live my life with Jesus at the center, so what does that look like for me? If Jesus is at the center, what makes up the concentric circles of my life? Part of my motivation is the misconception I see every day about folks like me. So I’m taking the liberty to fill in my own circles, thank you very much, and if you’re reading this you’ve come at least part way for the ride.

So far: Filling In My Circles; I Melt; TEA Parties; Humble King; My Tribe; Ambition; Eric Clapton and My Kids; Summers with the Brew Crew; To Pastor Again…. But enough about my eccentricities! I’d like to pause today and focus purely on my center. If I could boil a near-lifetime of Jesus following down to a few paragraphs, what would I say?

I have to start with love. My center, Jesus, starts with love. God is love. And love’s not just an affectionate thing, although I’m all for expressing affection. Love has the guts and grit to say, I’m going to put your needs ahead of my own. I love the famous John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” God becoming man, forgiving us…I know I need it. I’m so thankful! So I try to emulate that self-sacrificing love.

Then this paradoxical thing happens where we lay down our lives with that sort of sacrificial commitment, and we get back more than we could have hoped for. We get joy. And it’s not just “Hey, look at my new Cadillac” joy. It’s also “Let’s go for a ride in my rusted out Bronco II” joy. And pretty much no one instinctively wants to sign up for that kind of joy, but it ends up being the real stuff. The non-mirage. I’m overwhelmed by joy.

Jason, my littlest guy, and I have been doing this thing when we hear a dove this spring: saying “I hear peacefulness.” You know, because doves are one of the symbols of peace. And we have our little house in the Shire and we run around like little hobbits in the green grass, and I thank God for peace. And we have these excruciating moments as a family, in our marriage and with our kids, and then there’s peace. And we all mature day by day, and the good times get richer, and I hear the doves. Jesus is a big peace guy.

I talked about ambition in a blog entry a few weeks ago. I have to temper that drive I feel, and that’s part of the patience I feel the Holy Spirit working in me. More Jesus. Part of it is the eternal perspective that says, in light of the grand story of God, I can humbly accept my circumstances and timeline. I need that.

Jesus was pretty direct, even hostile, with arrogant religious people. But to normal, run of the mill folks like you and I, kindness all the way. Romans 2:4: “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?” Turns out God isn’t trying to catch me in sin and then nail me to the wall. Sweet! Makes me want to show kindness. Brings me off my high horse.

If this is sounding like a bit of a list, it is. They call it the fruit of the Spirit, in Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” We’re 55% done.

Good vs evil. We’re so wary of defining that these days, and not wanting to be judgmental is a good thing. But Jesus is all good. He’s like the rock under the lighthouse when the waves are going wild. I’ve still got so much to learn about good and evil and being tossed on the waves. Religious people make some very unhelpful pronouncements…but I want to have a rock at my center.

Faithfulness. Anyone ever been betrayed? Uh yeah…that’s the opposite. I don’t want even a hint of that at my center. Faithfulness has the ideas of loyalty and truth and belief. So we wake up everyday in a world of backstabbing, shades of grey and cynicism. No thanks! I want better!

Gentleness. Ah, you might have read my Humble King post. This is so core for me. Paul says it very directly in Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Are you kidding me!!! Completely humble and gentle!!! Seriously, just put that one in your pipe and smoke it for a minute. So as I field challenges to be successful, be a winner, be powerful, be an influencer, this “completely humble and gentle” thing resonates out from the middle. Kinda feels like a spiritual “Revenge of the Nerds.” I’m OK with that.

Last stop, self-control, which is much to do with personal discipline. Paul rocks on this, 1 Cor 9:24-27: “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” So no letting myself off easy or claiming the victim tag. God help me!

There it is! In these virtues I see the character of Jesus, and that’s one angle from which to view my core. It’s so rich, so deep. I’m continually striving to be more Jesus-centric. I get distracted. My efforts get diluted and diffused, but that’s what I’m shooting for. Inside all of the circles, that’s the center.

 *****

Song links: Be the Center, Jami Smith Be the Center, Vineyard UK

To Pastor Again

So what does one write about after two very long days and nights with very little sleep? I'm going in overnight on Tuesday to sleep at the hospital and be checked for sleep apnea and possibly using a CPAP machine overnight from now on. I wish I had the machine now. I told Col the other night that I've come to hate sleeping. I'm confident that's not forever.

So what does one think about when it's difficult to think at all? Why blog about it? I've found that sometimes when mental energy is exhausted and the emotions are spent, there can be a sort of crystallization of the purest desires of the heart.

It's been over 20 years since I've felt fear of being cut off in my relationship with God. So that's my rock and my center. With my family, we've worked through some anguishing moments, but I know our love and long-term commitment is there and always brings us back to a point of intimacy and blessing. And I feel the same way about friends...always there. Beyond those basic givens then, where does my spirit wander on a day like this?

To pastoring. I love God and I love people. People explode my senses. When I walk down a crowded hallway, I'm blown away by the unbelievable presence of people. Eternal souls with infinite potential to live and love. Awesome! And I love the life-changing message of Jesus, and how the Holy Spirit brings healing and wholeness. And I love truth. Truth rocks.

Summers With the Brew Crew

OK, so my blog entries have been a bit intense lately. Sorry, I'll admit I spend a fair amount of time thinking about deep stuff. Let me tell you about another one of my concentric circles: hanging out with Bob Uecker, Ryan Braun and the rest of the Milwaukee Brewers.

I enjoy the relaxed pace of baseball. I think that means I'm getting old, but I'm OK with that. My Grandpa Sam used to enjoy the lengthy, conversational stride of major league baseball, so I feel connected that way too. Grandpa liked the Yankees, but I think that was mostly about the classy pinstripe look and perhaps a bit about the winning swagger as well. Grandpa was pretty classy guy. Then there's me, cheering on the other end of the sporting food chain...for the Brewers. They've got, oh, maybe a quarter the payroll of the Yankees, but they're our team.

Eric Clapton and My Kids

Middle of the night. Can't sleep. Listening to mp3s and catching up on email, Facebook, news, dreams...

I've heard this Dana Key song many times, but it has different meaning for me tonight. How heartbreaking for Eric Clapton to lose his son (Tears in Heaven), but there's the hope. And I think about how proud I am of my kids, how some of the best days I could imagine are just being with them. We all hate the idea of tragedy, so why not grab onto hope ahead of time? I'm grabbing some tonight.

Ambition

I woke up this morning with a song in my head. It's actually come to mind over and over through the years when I find myself pushing too hard or being overcome by drivenness. It's one of Amy Grant's very early tunes. Great finger style acoustic!

All I Ever Have to Be

When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head,
And the thoughtful words of health and hope
Have all been nicely said.

But I'm still hurting,
Wondering if Ill ever be
The one I think I am. I think I am.

My Tribe

So if I'm taking time to fill in the concentric circles of my life (see "Filling in My Circles"), then I have to talk about my tribe.

Now, I have the opportunity here to distance myself from everyone who doesn't fit the group I'm about to mention, and that would be the farthest thing from my intention. In one sense, all of humanity is my tribe. I feel that, really. In another sense, my family is my tribe. Also true. I could say that everyone who is trying to follow Jesus is my tribe, and that would also be true. People who I've rubbed shoulders with at school and in the workplace...tribes abound! And one of the things I'm loving about Facebook is reconnecting on some level with you all.

But I want to chat about a group that has become home to me in a special way: my Vineyard tribe. Honestly, "tribe" might be more accurate in describing this group than "denomination" because I'm convinced that many of the thoughts conjured up by the words "church" and "denomination" aren't even close to describing what I'm experiencing. Remember, my blog, I'm filling in my circles.

Humble King

One of the things I think about most is leadership. When I hear a friend talk about unfair treatment by their boss, I think about leadership. When I observe different coaching styles in sports, I think about leadership. Teachers, politicians, parents, doctors, pastors, authors, broadcasters, mentors, music directors, project managers, shop owners...I could go on for quite a while. And for some reason, this is super important to me. I suppose, in a sense, leadership is important to everyone because most of us will both lead and follow along the way.

I had a job interview with a guy once who told me very directly, "I'm a no-crap manager." He'd be amazed if he knew how often I've thought about that. Does that mean if I ever made a mistake I would be shot instantly? Does it mean don't ever ask him for clarification on anything? Does it mean I have to use the bathroom offsite? I think if I ever work for a no-crap manager, he's going to have to sell me on it first. Actually, the man I try to model my life after was born in a barn, and had to deal with a lifetime of difficult circumstances. (Jesus...in case your new to Evan's Blog) In fact, he seemed drawn to people who were in a mess. His approach has had a revolutionary impact on me.

A Brit named Brenton Brown wrote a song that sums it up very well for me:

Humble King CD

Humble King

TEA Parties - Total Evan Appreciation

Thanks to everyone who came out all over the country for these rallies to appreciate me. Unnecessary, really, but thanks. Jason and I were on our own last night, so we went downtown Wausau for a while to the local TEA Party. Turns out these were actually about being Taxed Enough Already, a political thing. Huh…

Boston Tea Party

So I’ve debated over the last several months just how much to get involved with the political discussion. Most pastor-types are pretty careful about going there, and I understand why. But I can’t shake this idea that we don’t live in the first century Roman empire, but in a representative republic…or, more generally, a democracy. In a very real sense, every citizen is emperor and responsible for this government of the people, by the people, for the people. Besides, I like to think that I can bring a thoughtful, reasoning approach which genuinely attempts to understand all sides of the issues. It’s the goal anyway.

I Melt

Almost every day, sometimes more than once, I melt. An earthen fragrance, a laughing child, or a song...

Here was the song today, on the way home from work at the end of the day.

I'm so thankful for Colleen and for my family. I know it's Easter weekend, but really the whole Easter story is a love story. The mystery of my connection with Colleen commingled with my love for God. The whole Ephesians 5:25 thing. It was Phil Keaggy's version of an old Billy Joel tune...

 She's Got a Way

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is but I know that I can't live without her
She's got a way of pleasing
I don't know what it is but there doesn't have to be a reason anyway

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is but I have to laugh when she reveals me
She's got a way of talkin
I don't know why it is but it lifts me up when we are walkin anywhere

Filling In My Circles

So here's my idea for Evan’s blog. I enjoy reading spiritual or devotional blogs and find those inspirational, but I want this blog to be a slice of my life. My spirituality is at the center of who I am, but what does that look like? I think there are many misconceptions of what an authentic Jesus-follower really spends time doing and thinking and caring about.

I'm not a historian, but it seems like America and Canada and Western society in general are as polarized as we've ever been, perhaps more. What that means to me is that every issue, every concern, every idea, you pick sides and fight for your turf. While I agree that some turf is worth fighting for, we've really demonized our friends and family members. How is it possible that with all of this talk of tolerance in recent decades, it seems we've become historically intolerant?

I have friends on both sides of the political spectrum within and outside of what you would consider Christian faith, and any mention of politics seems to evoke this visceral reaction especially if your party is not in power at the moment. Bill Maher, James Dobson, Sean Penn, Don Wildmon, Obama, Bush, Palin, Clinton—everyone’s throwing these wild grand ideas around, and I feel like saying, “Hey, I'm just living my life here.” And I've got a lot of people around me who are living their lives, and I feel like were being goaded into hating each other and mistrusting each other when we probably could gain more from talking to one another.